You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't turn off my feet"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
