I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
