Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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