idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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