wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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