Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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