whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's the barista slut.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
