I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
