I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
