Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
