When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
