Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
