I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
