JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
