i barfeds in our rink
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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