Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
