I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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