There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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