according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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