i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
