I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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