I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
