yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
