i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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