One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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