sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
