Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
