I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
