my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
