So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
