Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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