Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i think i just lost a toe
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
