mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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