is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
