Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is the high leading the old right now
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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