There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
