I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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