he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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