Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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