the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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