I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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