All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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