um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
