i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
