And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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