Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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