And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the day after is always just damage control
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
