I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You have to summon your inner elephant
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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