it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
