It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize