And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
