Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
