Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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