I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
