He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
