I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
