I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
