The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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