nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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