I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
