sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Randomize
