I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
