areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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